Hi Ziplock,
Im so glad to hear that you felt a weight was lifted after scattering your wife's ashes. You know she is home, in a place of peace.
Your grief will go on for a while, Im sure. But you will find a little bit of healing every day.
Dad only has a couple of weeks left. He is no longer able to get out of bed, nor is he able to sit up. anymore. He's just too weak. His confusion gets a little worse everyday, and I find that on each visit he'll ask what day it is, what month it is, where he is.....and I have to reassure him that he is staying where he is and that he's safe.
He had a humorous moment the other day lamenting that he will miss the Stanley Cup and the Superbowl this year! he's a big sports fan, especially baseball, so this is a pretty big deal to him. I told him that he might surprise us all and still be here to see them. he doubted that, of course, because he knows how little time is left. Did I tell you about him making peace with his brother? I was SO happy to be able to pass the forgiving messages between them, and knowing that BOTH of them can let go of whatever the had the disagreement about. There are no regrets from either one of them, and my Uncle can feel good about making peace with Dad before he goes. Im very happy for both of them.
One thing I mentioned in a past post to someone, and that is that I am very afraid of what my reaction will be to Dads death. I know it will be very sad, but Im afraid of how much pain I will feel. I know that sounds selfish. Did you worry about that too, before your wife passed away?