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Losing my Dad

Started by Loll

23 Apr 2013, 2:12 AM

My Dad went into palliative care last Thursday after receiving a diagnosis of cancer 1 month to the day ago. the original prognosis was 1 year, and within a month it has been changed to only a few months remaining, likely less than 6. I am already grieving at just the thought of him not being in my life anymore. He was always my hero, my rock throughout a very difficult childhood with an abusive mother. we were always close and it breaks my heart to see him suffer so. there will be no surgery or treatment, it's too late for that. They will only do a bit of radiation for palliative purposes. how can I see beyond the deep sadness I feel?

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Reply by NatR

23 Apr 2013, 2:41 AM

Dear Loll,

i am so sorry to read about your Dad. welcome to the forum where you will get support and a listening ear.

Nothing about end of life is easy, and hearing that your Dad was so important to you as a guardian, a loving protector, this just is a hard thing to deal with.

i want you to know that talking, writing and sharing will be helpful. You will hear from others who can identify with you and who care. We all do.

You are in my thoughts tonight, feel free to write as often as you feel the need as it does help
Remember that not everyone gets to feel the love yoan have known. Life and love are gifts and unfortunately there are endings, and deep sadness

i have lost a parent - and a sibling - it's hard - I wish I had been able to share things then, many years ago - but Virtual Hospice was not online then, neither was I.

hang in there - you have support and others will write as well.

just be with your dad and treasure every moment
hugs,
NatR

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Reply by Loll

24 Apr 2013, 2:50 AM

Thank you, NatR. I will keep cheking in. connecting with others going through similar circumstances will help, for sure.

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

24 Apr 2013, 3:18 PM

Hi Loll,

I'd be happy to introduce you others going through similar circumstances here on the Virtual Hospice community. Please meet:

Yankeegirl79 who started the thread Feeling Overwhelmed by Dad's diagnosis. She too just joined our community this month.

NiteLad started the thread Dad won't let us help. He walked this path before you and may be able to shed some light from his perspective.

I hope you will connect with them. Do you live close to your father? Are you his primary caregiver?

Talk to you again soon I hope.
Colleen

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Reply by Loll

24 Apr 2013, 5:33 PM

Hi Colleen,

Yes I am his primary caregiver. He lived with my family for 6 years before becoming ill and we were no longer able to care for him in our home anymore. He is in the palliative care ward in the hospital right now, about a 15 minute drive from where we live, so not too far.
Thank you for providing the names of others going through the same thing. I will contact them and read their stories too. It will help ease this sadness of knowing I'm going to lose him.
THanks again
Loll

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Reply by Loll

29 Apr 2013, 1:47 AM

Dad's estranged brother called today to make peace with Dad, through me. He said it would be too hard for him to go see Dad, see how he's diminished. I understand. He wanted me to pass along that he was sorry for what happened between them, and that he does think about him often. A tough conversation, and hard to hold my tears in. So sad that they lost touch and missed out on all those good years. So sad to see my uncle grieving his brother, and yet relieved that I can pass along the loving brotherly message to Dad, so he can be at peace with it.

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Reply by NatR

29 Apr 2013, 2:07 AM

Good evening,

so glad to read your note tonight - what a gift to be able to participate in, the passing of a good will message - that has to be a special thing - to know feelings are not all negative.

hang in there Loll - you are doing an incredible job for your dad - for your family.
My thoughts are with you
best wishes NatR

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Reply by NatR

10 May 2013, 7:02 PM

Hello Loll,

wondering how things are, what's happening with your Dad.
are you doing okay?
drop a line when you have time :)
best wishes and thoughts,
NatR

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Reply by Loll

13 May 2013, 8:59 PM

HI NatR,
Thanks so much for your note. Dad was transferred to Hospice Care last Thursday. A beautiful place. I'm so glad he is going to pass away in such comfort. I am doing ok, but so tired. This waiting is exhausting, as every time the phone rings (especially at night or early morning) I jump thinking 'this is it'. "it" could be anytime now. They are estimating between 2 and 4 weeks, but he's been feeling even worse the last few days with lots of pain. He is now quite confused a lot of the time, and they are saying he is intermittently incompetent. I think he knows this too and it must be so hard for him. He's such a smart man, and to know he's losing his ability to reason must be frustrating for him.
Loll

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Reply by Yankeegirl79

14 May 2013, 6:11 AM

Hi Loll,

I just wanted to say a quick hello and hope you are doing okay. I'm glad that your father is in a beautiful caring place. I hope that lends you some comfort at this time.

My thoughts are with you

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