Hello Nikki,
sending you my thoughts today. We are having stormy weather in the northern part of Ontario, so I stayed in and made cookies. Now it's time to have a cup of tea, and if it were possible I would send you a couple with this note.
i guess while I am sending virtual cookies I should pop some over to Tracie :) and anyone else reading this note! No calories! They were shortbread by the way.
as Tracie suggested you may find that sharing your feelings with others who are going through similar loss - will help so much. I have found friends online that I never expected to find. Even writing in passing, to you, reading responses from others, and from you - we all become connected, learn tips from each other, and it's definitely more than an Ask Abby or Ask Ann kind of situation.
remember those helpful questions and answer columns in the paper? I think they still exist:)
anyway, there is a kind of bond that happens, between writers - and letter writing used to be a passion for me - but here I feel like my notes reach people. They can be read, discarded or maybe some thought I share might make someone smike, or think, or see things from a different perspective.
Tracie had great advice for you! Expect the unexpected, listen for a whisper, feel that touch, that breeze, that weird phone call, that unexplained moment that only comes to you.
your mom is watching over you.
oh, another thought, pay attention to your young son and listen to him. I have heard many times that children see and hear things that we adults miss. please share if things like that happen. I think we all like to know that the impossible can become possible.
as a caregiver in nursing homes, I can tell you honestly that many weird things happened and stories were shared by other staff. Things that couldn't be explained away.
example.
one night a dear old lady who was very close to her end of life - made a comment to me one evening.
she was in a double room, but no one was in the other bed. The previous residents were a very in love and happy couple in their 80s. The man was named John. his wife was named Mary.
this resident had not met this couple before - they had passed away fairly quickly - john first then his wife I believe.
The resident said to me, as I visited her at bedtime one night to settle her for the evening - "I was talking to that man over there - and she waved toward the other bed across from hers.
i said really? She said yes ! John says I should come to see him and his wife.
now, I was rooted to the floor and incredulous ! I told the resident, that's nice and tried to act normal. I returned to the nursing station and told my co workers.
we all were gobsmacked! I got a prickly feeling down my back
the couple who had passed away never met the new resident who moved into their old room. did not know her - now within a day or so, the lady did pass away. It made me feel better to know that somehow there was a way to communicate, to connect - and not everyone will believe this. But I do.
i hope it helps you Nikki.
i am not trying to give false hopes, but there is much that is not understood and much that cannot be explained:)
hoping you have a good evening,
best wishes,
NatR hugs