Hello Everyone
I have gone through the one year anniversary of Avery’s death, April 1st, 2012. He battled his cancer for one short year with courage and optimism; never thinking that he would die within a year of his diagnosis.
After a year, I thought I would be in a better place, not as emotional, more accepting of not having Avery with me. It is different, but I still go through the same loneliness, missing him dearly. When someone is your whole life, feelings for them remain the same. Time will dull the pain, as it has, but it is still there.
The hardest part is trying to find a new normal. Everything we do reminds us of our loved one, whether it’s shopping by ourselves or trying to fix some thing around house without them.
When you mention, will I ever love or be loved again? It will never be the same for me but I crave the love he gave me and that leaves me feeling very empty inside. I miss his love so much. He was always telling me how much he loved me. Maybe some day, I will find a friendship or love. Life does go on they say and it does. Trying to find true friendships is such a hard task.
There is no time frame for grief. My grief counsellor said it all. “Who came up with the idea that after a year, you expect yourself to be in a different place with your grief?” I found it harder approaching the year anniversary than I did at Christmas without him. The realization that I had gone a year without him hits you hard! I could never go a week when he would be away without missing him! And now it’s been a year! What happened in that year I ask myself ? I went through days and days of crying off and on. I still burst out crying out of the blue. This is all part of grieving and we are allowed to be this way. We are all normal and we all have our own way of grieving. We are too hard on ourselves!
Take care,
Regards
Jane