Hi Nikki,
thanks for for your note. I can only imagine how it felt for you to see that photo of your mom abd your son. What a nice keepsake. I am a photo nut, always taking photos! It drives people crazy sometimes, but I love to catch special off guard moments - the real person. Photos mean a lot when you are sifting memories.
i don't have any books to recommend, not at this moment, but will mention if I find any. I am a reader. Sorry I don't have a title to suggest.
its nice that you dream about your mom. I rarely if ever dream about members of my family who have passed on. but, this past few months since I lost my mom - I have dreamed about her. Not any conversations happened in the dreams but I had a sense that she as okay.
Nikki, your question about how you refer to your mom being gone, in softer, kinder, gentler terms is perfectly fine I say! I think it's harsh to come out and say it bluntly like you mentioned.... And in some ways you are showing your love, your respect, your honouring of her memory. it's almost like if you say it with soft words, passed on, no longer with us, .... Etc, that you are softly ever so gently coming to terms with the change, with your mom being gone.
you do it your way, say it your way, it's all okay. Meanwhile you are healing, you are getting yourself used to the thought that your mom is on a different plain, a spiritual one.
when you believe something, you do it because you feel it, it's real to you. No one else can take that away from you. I am sending you a hug, and hoping that each day you will feel stronger, that you can cope. And yet, it just takes one little comment to make you cry...remember....and that's okay too. Tears help heal, help get our feelings and hurts out,and tears are proof of feelings too.
having said that's - not everyone cries. Men for example, keep their feelings inside and rarely show what they truly feel. Now that I said that I want to say that each of us, men and women, all react in different ways.
just do it your way.;)
remember that loving someone and being loved - means that one day the relationship will change or end. I am learning that myself, the older I get, the more I lose friends, family, neighbours, that for each of us there is a season. No one is immortal. I hope that when I am gone from this earth that just one person loves me and misses me as you do your mom. I know we all want and need love to make life meaningful. I am sorry to write a book today, but I have been reflecting a lot lately on losses I have had to deal with and still am.
Loss to me isn't always death. Some losses happen by circumstance - and those losses Change you too.
Nikki, time to sign off..... I am drifting around the topic of loss and hope in some way you know we are all together in this.... all caring, hurting, loving people.
hug your son, your husband and
hugs from me to you.
natR