Thanks , mymothersdaughter, Collen  and Tracie:

I cried to one of my dear friend and I constantly talked about my grief with my boyfriend and sometimes with my auntie, my mom’s ister. I am not hiding my emotions; I’ve already met with a counselor once already.

I do feel a short relief after talking with someone about how I feel; however, I always come back to that dreadful feeling of hopelessness and despair. Maybe my history of depression makes it harder for me to do anything else other than to grief.

I feel sad for myself and I know I must be annoying everyone with my repeated outbursts of grief because honestly I don’t think I will ever get over  my mom not being here.

She was the one who love me in spite of my own self loathing. She was so overprotective of me, so loving and so supportive even when she was dying, she would tell me that I needed to get some sleep or to stop crying and tried to be happy. I miss her tremendaously , I feel like a large of part of me died with her. I guess I should d shut up about it because I know I am probably a lost cause. I was so treasured and loved by man, without her, I am just another miserable "orphan".