It is helpful to go to this site and either 'let go' by jotting some thoughts down, or simply re-reading thoughts of others. Grief outbursts, grief bursts, panic attacks: we call such moments many names--and some will be different at times than at other times for me. For me, I use the term 'panic attack' to signify a time I just feel such a heaviness in my chest that I have to stop and simply breathe, and then breathe again--and then take another couple of breaths.
The grief outbursts come at any moment and can be such a surprise. They may involve some memory, hearing a song on the radio, watching a tv show and knowing I can't share it with my wife--and yes, dreams--when she is present in the dream, it is a gift even though I can be upset when I wake up and she is gone once again.
So a trip to sunny places is coming for you CarlaVB! And with friends! That for me would be number 1---for then I would feel safe. Do walk the beach and take in the ocean. And know some gentle peace in doing so as you also remember your husband--and at such times, go ahead and talk to your husband. I find that helps me. It feels to me like you have given this much thought and they help you feel comfortable and also safe. 'Safe' is such an important image for me. You will have your moments, your outbursts, your tears--but also some smiles and laughter.
Thank you for your honest thought about 'carrying on'. So very human and honest. The good moments, my times with good friends or family with whom I am safe, help me on my journey and when I wonder if I will really 'live and laugh' again, I remember that I did before and that it took many months of working through the grief. Remember, 'grief work' isn't called 'work' because it is easy. But in my remembering, I just want it to move quicker this time--but that isn't the way this works!! Enjoy your time away. Where I live, it is bitter cold at the moment, but we all know that warmer weather will come. And that will help me as I heal. As will getting up to my cottage. I love the water and it sounds like you will find some peace by the ocean. Remember, both our tears and the sea hold salt --we need salt! Enjoy.