Hi Caron & Carriek
My husband passed away one year ago, at home, from cancer. I can only imagine all the confusing and scary things you are dealing with everyday, and yet can relate. I think it's different for everyone yet there are some things that sound oh so familiar. It was especially difficult for me to hear one doctor after another say, there was nothing they could do except make him comfortable. To try to figure out how much time he had left was far to difficult. I too was told not to cry, to be strong for the children and in lonely silence I shed many tears. Sometimes I wish I had done more stuff with him, or for him during his last days here. But then I remember all we DID do. We spent the weekend at a cabin at our favorite lake, as I lovingly tended to his pain medication. I had become his nurse, caregiver as well as his wife. And I did so with love. On evening, he had lit the candle in the room and had the fireplace going. We sat and just held each other for a long time. And I took pictures of us there, even tho he looked thin and not like he used to. We had OUR time together and later I called all our children to come, surround his bed, to tell him, they loved him, and they would be ok. That moment when they all surrounded him and said those words one by one, has stayed with them, even bonded them more than ever. And it seemed as if he needed to be reassured, we would be alright. Tears roll down my cheeks as I write this, hoping you will know you are not alone. My thoughts are with you. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have.