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Réponse de marstin
14 mai 2013, 23 h 42

Hi Yankeegirl79,

Please don't apologize. We all deal with this journey in our own ways and cancer is so frightening. I would imagine that is part of what is happening to your dad and why he is so angry. Most of us pride ourselves on being in control of our lives until something like this comes along and takes away any power we thought we had.

Your dad's lack of appetite is not uncommon. Your mom could try 6 different things to give him and probably none of them would interest him so she shouldn't take it or his anger personally.  I know this is so difficult to do having gone through this with my husband. Has she tried anything like boost drinks? They come in such a variety of flavors and maybe he would try something like that.

When you mention spots on the brain it takes me back to when my happy, healthy husband suddenly couldn't think straight and had to quit his high pressure job. They did a scan and found spots too and had no idea what caused them. It wasn't until many months later that he complained of lower back pain and it was discovered that he had bladder cancer. I wonder if somehow they relate to each other.

There is so little that you or your family can do at this time except to try to be supportive. If you read back on some of Nitelad's posts you will see how similar things were with his dad. So much pain for everyone involved.

When you feel up to it please come back and let us know how things are going. We are here to support you every step of the way.

Hugs,
Tracie
 
Réponse de NiteLad
16 mai 2013, 2 h 27

No need to apologize.... really!  I know what it is like to feel so overwhelmd and depressed.  It is not easy..... and sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other.

My Dad was really horrible while he was sick.  He was very angry, and took a lot of that anger out on those around him.  I've been there.  And there are times you just have to leave.  It doesn't mean you love him any less, just that you can't deal with his behavior.  My Dad pushed both my sister and I away, and took a lot out on Mom.... I honestly don't know how she was able to deal with him for so long.  I am the oldest child, the son, and I eventually had to have sort of an "intervention" with Dad and the whole family to let him know how his bevior was affecting everyone around him, but also to tell him that we were all committed to supporting and helping him whether he liked it or not.  It was extremely emotional.... it had gotten to the point where he was more like a child we were looking after than a grown man.  But it worked to some extent, he wasn't quite such a bastard afterwards.  I don't know if anything lie that is possible in your situation, but know that I have been there.

As difficult as it may sound, please know that it is very important that you make sure that your own needs are being met... as far as eating, sleeping, support or counselling.  I have said it before.... our loved one may be ill, but we are ALL battling cancer.  Sometimes I wonder if one of the resons my Dad was so horrible when he was sick was some misguided attempt to have us all feel relief and not grief when he died.  Who knows.  It is sure not easy.

Nite 


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