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22 déc. 2014, 15 h 48

It was exactly a year ago today that NatR posted to this thread. I'm adding this message to bring it to the top of the "I am living with loss" forum.

The measure of a year gives us time for reflection. How far we have come? What support or strength have we found or wished to have?

What has this year brought you?

Sending you all warm thoughts and a community embrace.
Colleen

 
Réponse de missie
25 déc. 2014, 6 h 35

It is 2014,Dec.24th at 10 pm, and here I am, feeling very sad,crying as I write this..I chose to spend Christmas eve alone,with activities to keep me busy tomorrow and boxing day. It has now been a little over 6 months since my spouse has been gone. Been crying over the phone with his family, they are all so sad too, it is the 4th member of their family they have lost to cancer. f**ng cancer!!!!!!!!!!!! I held a candlelight vigil for my baby tonight, and my family members who I could not be with, I asked them to have a candle too, so we could "be together".
What I dislike most, big time, is how misunderstood grief is. I work in a very large corporation, so not everyone knows til I say something. When I told a co worker, he said, what did you kill him as a joke, boy he sure doesnt get it. You just can not fathom the seriousness till it happens.....to you. I am going to try,next year to make it "the year of me", and making a list of things baby steps to make life better...like, walk thru the woods and smell the oxygen, work  on my rowing machine,plan for a trip to newfoundland,they are SO cool people by the way, and be  more patient. I find I have been angry lately,which is terrible,so not me. Little things, like people in front of me in lineups, I feel my face redden in shame at my anger, but then I realize I am going thru this sadness.I know it's normal. To all of you suffering through the holidays,
I hear you..big time. Virtual hugs to you all...wish we could be in the same room.Frown
 
Réponse de jorola
30 déc. 2014, 0 h 39

Hey missie,

Hope you are doing ok. They say the firsts are hard. I am sure you have been told that many times. I have not lost my spouse, his battle continues but I found this year hard. When faced with death i guess i naturally clinged to life that much harder and missed those I have already lost that much more. I cried alot this year. I too work in a big corporation. I am still dealing with the "so you got a little stressed over work and had to take 3 months off huh?. "no, I was caring for my husband (to be at that time) while he was going through agressive chemo and radiation to the point it damn near killed him". "....oh,......sorry" is usually the reply. I visualize myself then punching them in the face. I am not condoning violence but the imagrey does help me.

Sounds like you are working on a plan to help yourself. Good for you. As Mick appears to be going into remission, I am wanting/needing to do the same. You don't realize how much you ignore your needs when caring for someone until after huh? But for me it is till in the "i gotta do something" stage. I truly admire you for taking that next step. I never seem to get there. Any words of advice?
 
Réponse de NatR
30 déc. 2014, 3 h 40

Hi Missie and Jorola,

i neglected to comment on this thread - after seeing that Colleen was refreshing our memory on handling grief and loss.  How do we all get through it?

i was glad to read missie's note about how tough this time of year is - and that despite all the Odin there is an undercurrent of "grabbing onto life again " and working on recovery.

good for you Missie!
you are going to make it . You still have a list of things you want to accomplish and I know you feel your beloved husband would want you to keep moving onward.  I personally feel sadness and guilt at still being here when loved ones are gone.  My parents, a brother, and although not lost to death I do feel a great loss within my family as one chikd (and grandchild) keep to themselves - and so I do understand in a way going through holidays without loved ones.

all I can say Missie is - you are brave and you are a survivor - you will come into the sunlight at some point... You will always feel the loss but you will also feel and remember the love, the good memories and I wish I could give you a hug.

Jorola, you write such interesting notes too - sharing the ups and downs and the uncertainty of your lide lately.  Mick has had your support through all of his journey and now it's okay for you to take care of yourself.

i can only imagine how you went from highs to lows / and back agsin.
i know mick will understand you giving yourself a tuneup, a chance to breathe , let out the stress and drink in some peace and joy..... Something you probably have not really felt you could do yet - but I think you know this is your time...:)

scheduke some mini breaks, some weekends that are spent doing what you need :) no one else.
its hard to do - we all  feel guilty to take care of  ourselves 

so to you both - I send you my thoughts and  wishes - hoping you do this gift for yourselves 
Missie - I have always wanted to see the east coast and now that you recommend the warmth of the east coasters :) - I really need to put it on my bucket list!!!

i slept two hours on Christmas Day - in the afternoon - I felt guilty doing even that . But honestly I was so tired.  I think it is because I am feeling a bit like a lot of the forum members - hiding the sadness and loss - struggling to keep smiling  ~ and knowing I need to be kinder to myself too.

its almost a New Year, I wish you the strength to move on, hug yourselves and say you are worth it!!   We all do things in our own way and time - but I have to agree that being able to share feelings here - is a big help.

peace and comfort to each of you
sincerely.
NatR  


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