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Réponse de sadlou
25 juin 2014, 17 h 43

Hi missie,

Nice to hear from you. I am so very sorry for your loss....life is so very unfair at times

I am on the "run" as I put it.  I have not been at my house much since Doug passed away. I leave for days....weeks and when I get back the emptiness...loneliness just Is overwhelming.
I am with my daughter, her husband and their dog in another province for a few weeks. Being with them I feel stronger, I don't cry constantly.....

i feel like I live in a time of such sorrow. Not just mine but friends around me are being diagonsised with the dreaded cancer, heart attacks. I know there is positve things in my life....the negative is circling me and I fight to not let it take me...... 

I hear  what you say when people say "anything we can do, anything, let us know" . I have never been one to ask for help, this is something  that I need to change. My counsellor said on my last visit that I need to tell my friends what I need, so I am trying to do this like ask to do something together...coffee...walk...lunch...dinner...movie....   Sounds easy enough but really it is not.

i too dread the evenings, my concentration has been off so reading which I normally love to do has not happened for some months...I want that back as reading takes me to wonderful places.

i have not returned to work, when I will be ready for that is open.....

i went to a "family" function last Friday . It is Doug's family who have not been very supportive or really understanding, anyway it was fine for a bit and then the aniety happened, my husband's brother arrived and I could hear this voice, it sounded just like my Doug, I panicked...and left 

I have joined a group" surviving widowhood", it took me 3 tries to finally walk in the door but I am glad I did. I am open to most things to help me understand this process of grieving...I am so very sad....lonely....but I try and remember tomorrow is a new day. 

I hope you and all of us can get some understanding of the this grieving process. I have learnt that trying to rush it does not work....if it did we all would be feeling differently . It is just a personal journey and all we can do is listen to each other, be there for each other and send ((((hugs)))) from a distance .

lou 
 
 
Réponse de missie
26 juin 2014, 4 h 52

Its good you are getting away. Myself, I have no kids, but do have my dog like I said earlier. He also has a brother that looks a lot like him, and mannerisms and voice just like him, I hear you about that, its tough. I just dont know what to do...overwhelmed is mildly putting it. Im very independant, and hate relying on anyone. I dont even know what to say right now its too new. Last night I was able to "zone out" where the emotions have to shut down for awhile, and it is a real relief as I was able to watch an episode of
Seinfeld and feel almost, normal, which I havent felt in months. Guess its the body's way of coping or you feel like you will die yourself.  Thanks for connecting with me.
 
 
Réponse de sadlou
27 juin 2014, 14 h 59

Hi Missie, 

Happy to hear  you watched Seinfield and felt some what normal...build on that. It has taken me some time to watch TV and actually remember what the show was all about. Try and do something for yourself everyday, that could be going for walk with your dog, visit someone or somewhere that you can be you, bubble bath, what I am trying to say is something for that time makes you fell some pleasure. This is something I am trying to do my self. I can keep busy through the day , in the afternoon I make whatever appointments I have to get me out of the house but as you said the evenings are a dread. I was just able to pick up a book...not about grieving....and it caught my interest, not sure if you read but it is one pleasure that I am so happy to have back.
i only wish there was something we could do  to lessen our sorrow.  if anyone has any suggestions to share on coping skills that work for them I would love to hear  about them.

I hope today brings you some sunshine. Be kind to yourself .

(((((hugs)))) 
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
27 juin 2014, 15 h 28

Hi Lou and Missie

Reading your posts I was reminded of something I once heard, 'Grief takes as long as it takes'. But as you say Lou, activities like reading, walking the dog,  - doing things that give you pleasure can sure help get through.


Jorola started the thread so scared but somehow i need to find a way to be strong and also posted to What pets can do. It sounds like you may both have experiences with the joys of owning a pet.


Lou, you may know about Nanaimo Community Hospice, but they offer support to those who are grieving.  

The article Grief Work might offer some suggestions as well. 


I am thinking of you both as you walk along a new road.


Katherine
 
Réponse de jorola
02 juil. 2014, 4 h 50

hey sadlou,

first i am very sorry for your loss. I found this forum in looking for support while my fiance after he was diagnosed with lunger cancer. You are currently living all my fears and my heart breaks for you.

I lost my aunt last week to pancreatic cancer. My family is very small - my mom and dad, both grandmas, my aunt ,my cousin Jake and his wife and two kids ans that is pretty much it. I have some other distant family but we have never been close. the loss of this great lady has broken my heart all over again. I never knew a heart could break so many tmes. I feel guilty too as i was not able to go see her (she was in bc and me in AB) before she passed due to stuff going on here. SHe was more like an older sister i looked up to and now she is gone, just gone. our two families did everything together now both my aunt and uncle are gone and nothing is the same. My cousin and i are trying to find a way to keep the special bond/closeness our two families had but both are deep in our own grief.

I don't have words of advice except to say you still are Doug's wife, nothing can change that, be proud of that role and everything that comes with that title. That and I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story - as hard as it was. I am honored to know Doug's wife. She sounds like an amazing woman! Stay strong!
 
Réponse de sadlou
23 juil. 2014, 4 h 44

Dear Missie, 

So very sorry for your loss. There are no words that I can say that will take away the pain...lonely feeling ...I only wish I could.  I have been on the "run" alot. I have been back to our house and the feeling of emptiness is so here.....It has been 19weeks since Doug passed, my heart aches so. I tried on the weekend to pack up some of his things.....I feel apart...it has put me in real emotional state. I continue my counselling and I did join a widows group but all I do there is cry so I am feeling I am not ready.  I was on social media and I deactivated my membership as all I saw was how wonderful and full everyone else's life is.....

yes  I understand what you say when people say "anything I can do" ..I too do not want to be a burden, I have a very difficult time asking for help but my counsellor said I have to ask so people can know what they can do....I am still trying to do this, I guess the problem is I don't know what I want. 

I am trying to be "mindful" , this is something my Doctor has suggested...in the early stages of this. 

I only hope tomorrow is a brighter day...emotional and I hope your dog is getting you out and about.  

Hugs from  sunny Vancouver island

Louise  
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
08 sept. 2014, 3 h 27

Hi 
Louise, I was wondering how the last month of summer has been for you. Are you finding the weekends any easier? 

You wondered in an earlier post how to lessen sorrow - it is a tired cliche I am sure but it seems time is important - but hard.

You might be interested in a thread started by Caitee,  Struggling with my loss...

Take care
Katherine 


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