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Réponse de RD
26 mars 2016, 0 h 41

Sometimes it hits me.... as if it has just occured to me that he has died.  It seems so unbelievable.  I don't want to believe it.
 
Réponse de Xenia
26 mars 2016, 4 h 32

Dear RD and all:

Your last message brings back  the same unbelievable times that John is dead and gone. I too felt that it is not true, especially when I would read or see something on TV and start to say "John..did you" and then I stop, John is not here to hear me and I would let the tears fall, the realization that, yes he is gone.

I understand your not wanting to believe it as I put aside my grieving and did not realize  as I was numb.  I carried on and did not want to believe he was gone.  Reaching out to CVH helped me back to reality and get in touch with my feelings.

Somehow in my mixed up mind I could not look at John's pictures until a year passed and I opened my book of memories we used at his memorial and took out the large picture and placed it in a picture frame and let the tears fall...the tears I held back so long.  Somehow not seeing his face I felt I was doing well, yes, I was doing well but I was holding back my grieving.

Grieving and loss is such a personal thing and there is no right or wrong way to mourn.  We have tyo feel our grief our own way.  I contacted our Hospice society and was given much understanding and the counsellor gave me a little handbook which I opened and the first page gave me courage to go on.  Perhaps you have a Hospice society in your city/town where you can turn to and speak with someone who understands your loss and lets you open up all your pain, your anger, and let you talk about all your emotions.

I will share the first page of the booklet with you and all who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

Grief is a journey.

 
 
Réponse de Xenia
26 mars 2016, 4 h 40

Hi:  Somehow I hit a wrong key on the keyboard and got cut off half way to the grief is a journey.

Grief is a journey:

You have been given
a ticket for the journey-
a ticket which you
  didn't ask for, 
 didn't deserve,
 didn't want.

You may fear  what's ahead  

You already know
the loneliness
and the darkness

Expect the ride
to be full of ups and downs.
like a roller coster .

Know that after each down comes an up.

I hope this has given you some comfort as it did me and many others who have the booklet and I wish I could bring one to you so you could be comforted at this very painful time in your life.

I will keep you in my thoughts and know that your turning to CVH will give you a lot of help and comfort at this time.

Hugs to all.

Xenia
 
 
Réponse de RD
26 mars 2016, 13 h 55

Thank you Xenia.  I visited with a Hospice worker about a month after his death.  I thought it would help to talk to someone and she also gave me the little booklet you quoted.  I reread if every so often.  The visit didn't go as I expected.  I listened mostly and cried and cried.  Afterwards I felt drained and empty but not really better. 

I also know an aquaintance that lost his wife a couple years earlier.  We ran into each other at a fair and he has made a point of meeting me for coffee every so often. He is very kind and our talks have helped.  

One odd thing I discovered, is that when I broke down and really let my feelings and tears flow I would feel terrible at the time but later I would feel better.  I never know when I will fall apart.  I was watching the Oscars and there was a tribute to the Actors and Actresses that had died in the year.  It was touching and the tears flowed.

I know grief is different for everyone and if you asked me what my grief was I couldn't describe it. 

Chatting here is a help.  Thanks you for listening.
 
Réponse de Anngee
27 mars 2016, 19 h 33

Hi RD  I am also so sorry for your loss.  I will be experiancing what you are going through soon as my husband of over 41 years is not expected to live.  They didn't think he would live until our last anniversary.  I understand the loneliness in a family of grown children and friends seem to carry on with their lives.  Your life will be forever changed but the spirit of your husbands love will carry you through even if it doesn't feel like that now.   I'm glad you found your way here as am I glad because I was feeling alone also. You are not and I hope I can support you through your difficult time in some way. Please know others do care.


 
 
Réponse de Anngee
27 mars 2016, 19 h 35

There is also a poem that says for as long as you live so do they. 


 
 
Réponse de RD
28 mars 2016, 2 h 41

Annqee


I am so sorry.  I would like to send a hug to you  also courage to help you in the next few days and weeks. 
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
25 avr. 2016, 15 h 50

Hello everyone,
I wanted to let you know about a site mygrief.ca which was developed by the Canadian Virtual Hospice. It requires a separate login and password from the Discussion Forum one. I thought it might be an additional support for those of you on this thread.

Take care all
Katherine
 
Réponse de RD
03 juin 2016, 14 h 03

Today is the 1st anniversary of my husbands death.  I feel jittery and nervous. I keep reliving the events of that day a year ago and also remembering fondly the good memories of our 40+ years together too.

A lot has happened in the last year.  I have sold our house and moved to a condo in a different city.  I have ventured out to family by plane, had the car serviced and so many other things I had never done before.  I don't cry as often and I have learned to cope.  I've made some new friends but mostly I have done it alone. It's been a tough journey and I miss him so much.
 
Réponse de CarolK
03 juin 2016, 15 h 42

Hi RD, I'dlike to share a story with you RD. While my husband has been gone only 31 days I hope this story brings you, at the very least, a smile to your face. The Christmas before last Ken (my husband) insisted that we get some kittens to keep me company after he was gone. Milo turned into "his" cat and became a very large boy. He stayed with Ken when Ken passed away in our house right on the sheet that the paramedics left to cover Ken because I just couldn't. Milo sat right beside Ken for hours while I waited for the coroner to pick up Ken. The very next nigh Milo spent the night on they very spot that Ken had passed away. I believe they have a connection still. Two days ago I woke up to someone stroking my face. It was Milo and he had never done that before. I hope this helps you in some way! Try to have a day with a little bit of happiness in it!

CarolK
 


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