Forums de discussion

 
Réponse de SherriT
03 nov. 2013, 12 h 47

Hi Colleen,

i haven't told the nurses anything as I am told to go through the coordinator.  So it's frustrating.  I may try leaving her yet another message.

Yes, the migraine was bad. I have had migraines for years but never so bad I had to go to the hospital.  I took 2 days off work after that.   I am trying to exercise regularly as I find that helpful.
Sherri 
 
Réponse de SherriT
29 déc. 2013, 19 h 30

Hi everyone.  I am writing to thank everyone here for your support over the past years, especially NaAnd and Colleen.  My mom passed away on Dec. 20.  I got a call on Dec. 9 from her Dr. At St. Boniface palliative unit,where she had been for a few weeks, saying she wasn't doing well.  I flew out the next day from Ottawa and my sister flew in from Vancouver.  She rallied abit after a chest tube drained 2 liters of fluid from her lungs.  My sister stayed 3 days as she had a hard time seeing our mom as weak and confused as she was.  I stend until the end.  She had become confused but still knew who people were.  We were able to say we loved each other and 3 days before she died,she said she was ready to go and said her goodbyes.  Those were the last coherent words she spoke.  After that she muttered a lot and the day before she died, she could not be roused.  We got the call at 6:00 am Friday morning.  I went to the hospital to say goodbye.  My dad wasn't abltoo spend too much time with her due to his poor health, physically and emotionally.  Her funeral was on Dec. 24.  my husband and daughter came out for it and we all flew back home that evening.  I had basically spent 2 weeks there and was ready to go home.
it has been quite a journey.  She fought non stop since her diagnosis 4.5 yrs ago and took every chemo offered and had 2 surgeries.  I am managing ok as I feel she has gone Home and is at peace.  The staff at St. b were amazing and the Home Care nurses were great too.

thanks again.

Sherri 
 
Réponse de NatR
29 déc. 2013, 19 h 39

Dear Sherri,

i am so sorry about the loss of your mom, but I am glad you sent a note to let us on the forum  know.

i know how much you worried about your mom, and from a distance you gave her every bit of support you could.

i am glad you and your sister were able to be together with your mom, and that you were able to say the words so important to say.  i am glad you are now feeling that your mom is at peace.

after such a long struggle and worrying from a distance  - now you are able to take a breath and regroup.  What's going to transpire with your Dad and his health now?  Are you able to get enough home support or will he be able to be in a supervised setting?  He sounds fragile by what you said

...sending you good wishes for the coming new year, and really appreciate your note.
write anytime that you need to vent, share or air thoughts...it helps ;)

Sending you my best,
NatR
 
 
Réponse de SherriT
29 déc. 2013, 19 h 47

Thanks Nat,
i do feel a sense of relief as things were getting very stressful.  My dad is wanting to stay in the house for now at least.  He is physically weak from a blood cancer that he has but is of sound mind.  My mom did everything for him for over 53 years, including choosing his clothes daily, so he has a lot to figure out.  He is declining home care or moving to a retirement home.  We have also offered to have him come to ottawa but he is very reluctant to leave Wpg as he has lived there all his life.  So for now, we are calling daily and will see how the weeks progress.  
Sherri 
 
Réponse de NatR
29 déc. 2013, 19 h 59

Thanks  Sherri,

wishing ng you and your sister the best - the older we get the harder it is to make changes, move, lose our independence....something may change and hopefully your dad will allow some community support.  If he gets connected - he will enjoy interacting and having those times with someone bringing chit chat, and some support and encouragement...loneliness is hard.

he will miss the presence of your mom as well, sounds like she took good care of him.

i know you are going to keep a close eye - so just take it a week at a time....and write when you have news.  
Appreciate your updates today,
good evening,
NatR. 
 
29 déc. 2013, 23 h 50

Hi Sherri,

Like Natrice, I want to thank you for taking the time to let us know about your Mom. I'm sorry for your loss. I understand that sense of relief. It is a long journey and every moment is venturing into the unknown. You must feel grateful that you were able to be there with your Mom to the end, and for your Dad.

I hope you will continue to share with us, Sherri. We're here whenever. 
NatR, your messages are so wise and caring. I often just wish to say "ditto".
Talk to you both soon.
Colleen
 
Réponse de adet
05 janv. 2014, 8 h 17

Hi everyone,
Im in the philippines  while my brother is in your country canada.he went to your place to work but after one and a half year,got nasopharyngeal cancer,he had his 4th chemo yesterday and i just feel soooooooooo guilty evrytime he is undergoing this chemo therapies,he  becomes very weak and just get sooo  depress within 2 weeks after chemo.i dont know how to talk to him on the phone,i feel so bad that i am away.i want him to come home but your medical care  there is way better than ours thats why he decided to stay. 
I dont understand my guilt feelings.
Im confused with my emotion.
adet 
 
Réponse de NatR
05 janv. 2014, 12 h 58

Dear adet,

first of all, welcome to the forum, this is definitely a long distance caregiving situation - your brother is going to need your supportive phonecalls.  

I am hoping that your brother has friends near him, who can also give him support and encouragement.  

You will feel guilt because you are well while he is sick. Because he is  so far away you cannot physically be there for him, to hold his hand, give a hug, a smile in person...but you can do some things from a distance.  I know he will always appreciate hearing your voice on the phone - your calls are important.  It's difficult to know how to talk to him, but I would suggest that keep calling as you are able, and possibly send him cards in the mail, or something like that which would lift his spirits...


do you have other siblings or family to support him in phone calls too?  
does your brother have any home support to check in on him?  has his doctor offered that for him?

i understand medical care is important, but so is the circle of support.  
your situation is hard but i and others will reply to you, and give you ideas :) you are not alone.

sending you a hug from my corner of the world to yours.  
keep strong....you are doing a great job, and reaching out to the forum was a good step.
best wishes,
NatR
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
05 janv. 2014, 18 h 22

Welcome,


I am glad you found us Adet – did someone refer you to the Virtual Hospice Discussion group?


Knowing someone we love is facing serious illness is hard, especially when, as NatR said, we can't touch them or see them face to face.  The time difference could also make it hard for you and your family to connect with your brother.  Perhaps you and your brother could talk about everything and anything before he was sick, but now as you say it’s hard.  You might find the words in the article What Do I Say? helpful.  It was written by the Canadian Virtual Hospice team.


Guilt – it seems to stick like glue and can make us so tired and confused. It sounds like your brother made the hard decision to stay in Canada for treatment because he felt the care would be better here. Does knowing that give you some comfort ?


Take care dear Adet and come back and talk as you can.


Katherine
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
14 janv. 2014, 3 h 50

Hi Adet,
Just wondering how you are doing this week.  
Katherine 


Nos partenaires
Questions-réponses
Questions-réponses

Découvrez ce que les Canadiens veulent savoir

Consulter un professionnel
Consulter un professionnel

Notre équipe d’experts est là pour répondre à vos questions à propos des maladies potentiellement mortelles et de la perte d’un proche.

Simplement envie de parler?
Simplement envie de parler?

Participez aux forums
de discussion.

Livres, liens et bien plus
Livres, liens et bien plus

Recommandations de notre
équipe

Programmes et services
Programmes et services

Services offerts aux échelons
local, régional et national

S’abonner à l’Infolettre
S’abonner à l’Infolettre
  • logo
  • © Portail canadien en soins palliatifs, 2003-2024.