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Réponse de Cath1
02 août 2012, 17 h 33

Dear Carriek:

I know you will return to us when you can, but in the meantime I want to remind you again how I think of your husband and you and your kids every day. We are still with you Carrie - caring for and about you from afar and wishing you strength and peace. 

With affection -hugs- xo and prayers for you and yours . . . always . . .
Cath1   
 
Réponse de Carriek
07 août 2012, 1 h 31

Hi everyone.....

I havent written on here for awhile, as you know.
My husband so sadly passed away July 20th with me by his side,  ..
Im broken... Im lost.... Im devastated
I know that I had 9 long months to prepare for the emotions, but how could one possibly prepare.
He was only young...
It wasnt supposed to be this way.... I was supposed to have him as my husband for ever....
I am so lonely--- each day seems to be getting worse- as there were people around at first and now.... emptiness.
I truly would not have wanted him to suffer another day, but I keep wanting him back- not sick, like our normal life was..... My heart aches so much for him.
Our daughters and sons are sad of course but seem to be accepting more than I am.
I wait until I am alone and cry so hard...
Im not sure that I will ever accept this.... that this was supposed to have happened..
Im not sure where I go from here...
Im returning to work, Im staying busy, but....
     I am sooooo broken
so absolutely broken !!!!
Ive thought of you guys lots.... and really need your support now, maybe more than ever....
I know the tears are natural grieving but Im so afraid of the comments-- at least he is not suffering anymore, or you will get over this.... I understand that people dont know what to say--- because I dont know what to say in return.
:(                 

 
Réponse de Cath1
07 août 2012, 4 h 06

Dear Carriek:

Thank you for sharing the very sad news about your husband's passing. I know how difficult a message it was for you to have written.

I feel your brokenheartedness, Carrie and like most people I have few words to console you though I wish my tears could speak directly to you in this devasting time of your sorrow.

Please know we will be here with and for you for as long as you need. It is difficult for people to know what to say to you because there are no words that can comfort you in the desolate place you are in but I do believe you will slowly come through to a place of acceptance but it's not possible now - it's way too soon.

The best I can do for you in this moment is to tell you how very sorry I feel that your husband had to die so terribly young and leave you against his will to learn to how to live on without him. It breaks my heart to know that you and the kids had to endure so many agonizingly long months helplessly watching him prepare to pass on but you know that you did everything in your power to help him. Words cannot describe the magnitude of your loss, Carrie, but I am sure you felt relieved for your soulmate and yourself that your wish to be at his side with him at the end came true.  

Your feelings and tears are very natural, Carrie. Please allow yourself all the time you need to grieve, to cry, to feel every emotion and to express them. I hope you will have someone nearby to hug you often as you go through it all. 

I care about you Carrie and if you want to talk more I will be here when you need someone to listen, as will we all. Working may help to keep you going, as may writing your feelings. Do whatever you feel is right for you and never mind what others say, including me, if something is said that upsets you, words spoken that you cannot bear to hear, please just say so and I will understand. Well-meaning people will say things to you that you don't want to hear, but remember most people care and will want only to help not hurt you further.

I do understand how your kids seem to be able to handle your husband's passing more than you are able right now as I think when they are so young they may not have the ability to accept the finality and gravity of death and mourning. They may also be expressing their grief privately to protect you just as you are doing for them, as I am sure they know how deeply you are suffering. You and your family have been through the most sorrowful time of your lives together so be kind to yourself as you find ways to cope day to day, moment to moment.

Please keep writing Carrie, if and when you feel able and let us know what it is you need and we will try to be here in the way you need most.

I am sending my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I promise we will be here to support and to care for you, Carrie . I hear your heart and I hope you hear mine. You won't be alone.

With affection -hugs - xo
Cath1       
 
Réponse de Tian
07 août 2012, 11 h 40

Dear Carriek

I cannot add to what Cath1 said. I am so very sorry for your loss. Life goes on and so does our support for you.

Tian 
 
Réponse de NatR
07 août 2012, 13 h 02

Dear CarrieK,

The above notes say all that I wanted to say as well....Cath1 and Tian, and all of us here wish we could enfold you in a giant group hug and at least let you know you are not alone.  

 I send you my condolences and echo the message that Cath1 said...we are here...we will be here...there will be someone to respond to your notes, whether its late at night or early in the morning...Support is what you will need...and I hope you will search out a group in your community.

Sometimes it helps to find others who are going through the same circumstance, sometimes it doesnt.  Everyone grives in their own way, in their own time.  Everyone still feels the pain.

For your children this loss is hitting them, but not nearly as hard as it hits you.  You were the other half of the couple that you formed.  You were an identity with your husband and now you may feel that suddenly you are standing alone - and who are you and how will you go on?  

As Cath1 said...there are many things we might say that help, and there are times that things we say do not apply at all.  But we all are trying to say something that fits you:)

So forgive me if anything in my letter doesnt apply at all to you...just skim through it, and disregard the rest:)

Today...I am hoping that someone will cross your path, other than here in the forum, someone who can hear your pain, comfort you just a bit.  I wonder if also you are back to work too quickly? or if you need to be there thats okay too..but sometimes its really hard to go back to what everyone considers...the "normal routine" is very hard to do.

Whatever your next few weeks, whatever you do, please know that we are here to unload to, to share your feelings...and just to hear you....

One final thought came to mind...life is full of change...whether we want it or not, whether we are prepared or not.  Sometimes it takes a lot to adjust, as in the case of your so very beloved husband, and other things are easier to cope with.

So...take your time and let things settle for you...and I know...that you are strong, and that you will get through this valley.  Hang in there...please keep in touch.

my sincerest thoughts to you today,
NatR 
 
Réponse de Cath1
07 août 2012, 14 h 55

Dear Carriek and Caron:

Please see the new thread I have made for you here:
For Caron & Carriek & others: When grief is fresh & feelings are raw
    
With affection -hugs- xo
Cath1
 
09 août 2012, 16 h 41

Dear Carrie,

Please allow me to add my sincere condolences along with the other community members. I so understand the paradox of being afraid of the comments othes will offer and in turn not knowing what to say yourself. Society has not equipped us well to express our thoughts and feelings in times of loss.

I truly appreciate your coming back to the forums to let us know. I have been thinking about you these past weeks and wondering. I hope you know that we are here for you whenever you want to talk. In fact, you may wish to join the conversation the Nanalovesu started called Going from WE TO ME........    You are not alone. On this thread, others are sharing about the loss of their partners. 

You have our support now and always.
Colleen


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