Thank you NatR and Cath1. As I read your messages, I'm a flood of tears. Escape Cath1? Which is what it would be! There is no escape. I sneak away every couple of months in the afternoon for a couple of hours to go to a movie with another coworker. After the movie, I'm back in the office.
Friends have tried to take me out for dinner just for a couple of hours, but something always happens. Once a year, I'm allowed to go on the Winnipeg Humane Society Paws in Motion Walk. She has it timed enough that by the time we just hit the finish, my cell phone is ringing that something has happened. Besides going to work and grocery shopping, that's it. And she's got that timed as well.
I'm just feeling down these past few weeks and can't seem to shake it. I hate like heck having to tell people my constant horror stories, but as I tell people, sometimes calm comes from talking to people you don't really know. But I feel so selfish.
I truly and utterly appreciate being able to 'talk' to you. If nothing else, some of you may feel you don't have it so bad afterall. :-) My mother's pain is increasing and she can barely walk now, though she does. The medication puts her out, but she wakes in pain. Phone conversations when I'm at work are always the same -- I can't walk, I'm in pain, I wish I was dead, Only the dogs care. So I don't really escape at work either except to get out of the house.
NatR -- I'm so sorry about your recent visit with your mother, but at least you get to go home and you have siblings and likely a family to ease some of the pain you feel after your visits. I do totally understand what you're saying. Next time, if you're feeling down after one of your visits, think of me. You'll feel much better. :-)
I was reading a story about the Deer Lodge personal care facility this morning. The story talked abou the neglect in one of the wings, but now the manager is no longer there. But, they have other workers that apparently went along with whatever was happening. So, that being said, how can I put her in a hospital environment? Besides, she'd be calling every 1/2 hour on the hour (as she did for 2 years before she moved in with me) and that's every single day.
No matter. I have my dogs and my gazzebo. The dogs keep me grounded and the gazzebo lets me sit outside for a while -- so does my smoking (otherwise there would be no reason for me to go outside). Thank goodness I don't drink anymore. Oy!!
Thank you guys!! You may be hearing from me a bit more for a little while, at least until I can shake this depression off. Every so often it sneaks up on me.
You have no idea of how much I appreciate reading your messages of support and I hug you both (virtually though it is).
OK, I'm in full crying mode now. I'll say goodnight and will write soon. Take care and thank you again!!