Forums de discussion

 
Réponse de debbied2007
18 janv. 2013, 19 h 46

Hi Cindie 46,

My heart goes out to you and I too feel you pain.  Being in a situation where you want to help but are limited because of the smoking.  This forum is a great place and knowing you can vent without judgement; the support is great and the conversations are worth the time to read and provide input.  I'm new the forum but feel like a family member already.

I can so relate to your situation.  In early 2012 my mom was diagnosed with lung - she's had 4 sessions of chemo therapy.  I live in Edmonton, and she lives in the NWT, so my care is provided long distance.  This is hard, but I'm unable to leave work or family at this time.  In September she didn't have anyone to take to her appointments, so I flew to Yellowknife to be with her.  We both flew in on a Wednesday, she had Chemo and an appointment with the oncologist on Thursday, and we both flew in opposite directions on Friday (she, north, and I south).  While I was her, I noticed she smoked double what she did before.  Previously, she would not get up and smoke during the night.  Because we were staying at my sisters house (who was on a previously scheduled vacation), we both slept on the sofa in the living room.  She was up all hours of the night, going for a smoke every 1/2 hour or so.  I too was angry, it was because she is having chemo, she can smoke more.  I didn't talk to her about it as she a stubborn mannered person.  But it too hurt, that she didn't quit the habit that gave her the disease!

I can also relate to the anger - and this is ok and normal.  This forum is a great place to vent.  There is sooo much support here, at first I found it overwhelming, but now I enjoy reading the comments and find that I am no longer alone...I can relate with people, their stories, and their experiences.  As a caregiver and natural nurturer, sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves...as NatR said, make sure you take care of yourself.  This is important. 

Take care of yourself Cindie 46, and vent away!!!!  I too, have angry days and I too, take it out on my husband (who was recently diagnosed with cancer); but I'm hoping by posting on this forum, I can direct my anger elsewhere, and focus on throwing positive vibes out there.  debbied2007
 
Réponse de Plum1
27 janv. 2013, 1 h 47

Dear Cindie46,
Commitments to my elderly parents has kept me away from the Forum for awhile, but tonight I am sitting here and wondering how you are doing. We have not heard from you for a few days.
Have you been able to speak to your mother's counselor? What feelings have been dominant within you over the last while?
Please know that we are here to listen and to support you in every way we can.
I send you energies of peace and love,
Plum1
 
Réponse de Cindie 46
27 janv. 2013, 14 h 00

 Thank you everyone for your kind words and understanding. For some reason the site wasn't letting me sign in. Today I decided to sign in on the Support page, that worked. It won't accept my email address on the home page.
     My mother finished her first round of chemo last week. Her first session made her very sick because she didn't take the meds as prescribed. I was unable to communicate to her how to take them, I thought she understood. My sister who lives in Austraila asked a family friend of hers who used to be a nurse to help. She was feeling we need someone in the medical field to take a lead role. Well, the nurse went through the meds and decided that mother's morphine was an as needed med. Yes, it says that on the bottle but the Dr. has since told my mom that she is to take it every 4-6 hrs. Needless to say, mom had a terrible time getting up the next day. Well that was a wake up call for me! I have now taken over her care. I decided to create a binder with all the information and forms and sections for questions and Dr. Notes. We spoke to the Dr. about certain meds and wrote down what he said so mom and others can refer back to  the notes. 
     I am feeling so much better now that I have all the information and I know what her treatment and medication schedule looks like. My parents seemed very grateful. My mom said she was starting to feel like herself last week. I'm not sure but maybe the chemo is make her more comfortable all ready. That's a question for the Dr.next week. 
     I was able to get an appointment with my councellor, we have a family councelling session next week. My councellor helped me to understand why I'm so angry about the smoking. It's not just that they are killing my mom and may make my husband sick. The smell and the fact they make me sick causes me to be distant from the people I love the most. I was able to express to my mom that I understand she needs to smoke and how much it makes me sick. We have decided that I will leave and go for a walk when she wants a smoke. I get some exercise and she doesn't have to feel guilty. As for my husband, we have a councellor appointment this Friday. I'm hoping we can discuss  my anger and how I feel he has little respect for my feelings, that we are drifting apart because I don't want to be close when he smells like a cigarette. I won't demand he quite, I just want him to have fresh breath and clean hands when we are close. Is that too much to ask? 
     Well, that's where I am in this journey with my mom.
 My friend has had some bad news and is need of a bone marrow transplant and is need of a donour. I will post the blood type needed as soon as she lets me know. She has stayed away for the last little while. I think she is giving me some space. I'm reaching out to her but I have to respect her choice to keep her distant. 
     This week has made me stronger and I feel good about my choices and my assertiveness. Now that I have figured hour how to log in, I will try to answthe your relies. Thank you for understanding  if I don't answer everyone. Sending out my warmest thoughts and prayers to everyone who too, time out of your busy day to let me know you are here for me.

Thanks ever so much!
Cindie
      
 
Réponse de NatR
27 janv. 2013, 15 h 03

Hi Cindie,

Thanks for your note.  Its good to hear that I am not the only one who occasionally has trouble logging in to this site.  Lately it has been better..but it is frustrating.

It was good to read that you had sorted out a bunch of your stressors.  You certainly did the right thing beginning a communication book with meds, appts, notes, dates, etc.

That is very helpful..not only for you but for anyone who should walk in and need to know history or present schedule of meds, dosages etc...bravo.

It may seem like a small thing...but it is huge:)

Having a talk with a counsellor sounds like it was the best medicine for you...to see your situation from a different point of view.

Frankly..as a non-smoker...and being very sensitive to smoke...I totally identify with your need for fresh air, and for your point of view to be heard.

I am glad you have come to an agreement with your mom...and as for your husband smoking...I definitely agree with you...that if he continues to smoke that he does hear your need for a smoke free closeness with him...I certainly would want someone to not smell like smoke in my presence.  I agree totally.

I also know friends who smoke and who do their best to keep the smell away from anyone like myself.  They use breath fresheners, they smoke outside...and they try not to wear clothes that may smell of smoke.

Seems like little things..but for anyone sensitive...its a big deal.

I hope today is a good day for you...and that you will continue to write as you can, letting us know how you are doing..and how your mom is doing.  It is good news that she is having a better time lately...hoping that this continues.
Best wishes..
NatR

 
 
Réponse de Plum1
28 janv. 2013, 15 h 28

Dear Cindie,
Welcome back! I, too, can understand challenges in relationship to a computer. I hope you will not have difficulties from now on. You want to stay in touch, and we want to be there for you.

I agree with NatR that it has been a major advancement for you to decide to take charge of your mother's health, and to keep a file of all the information and events of each day. When caring for someone whose health is so fragile and complex, it is very easy to lose track of all that is being told you. And you can forget happenings of the day which can have a significant impact on future decisions and interventions. Someone needs to coordinate the progress so that all involved can remain informed. Congratulations and I wish you the energy you need to keep up this important coordinating. I am very happy that you mother appreciates this effort and its healing results for her.

It is wonderful that your Mom seems to be feeling better as a result of the chemo. Whatever the cause, feeling better is such a boost for her and for all surrounding her. While this may change, it is good to receive the positive moments as gift.
 
How good that you have been to see your counselor and found strength and understanding of your feelings around smoking. That has opened up a win-win scenario for you and your mother. I hope it can proceed, bringing greater peace to all.
I would encourage you to continue to look for all means which increase your sense of inner peace. That peace will affect how you look at life, and how creative you can be in navigating the challenges before you. That peace will also spill over to those around you. Sounds like you are already on that path. I am very happy for you.

I, too, am a non-smoker, and also find the smell of stale smoke, "smoky' breath, smoke-invaded clothing, a real challenge. I am always amazed that other non-smokers can come to habituate to it all. I see that in many families, including my own. Fortunately, I do not become ill, as you do, when in the presence of cigarette smoke.
How difficult for you who love your husband, and want to support him through this difficult time in his life. While you do not wish to increase his stress, it is important to you that he understand your needs. It is good that you will be talking this through together with a counselor. Such a setting will, hopefully, keep a balance of respect and creativity. All the very best to you and your husband!

So sorry to hear that your friend is facing some greater difficulties as she walks her healling path. With her, also, you are learning respect as she attempts to respect you and you her. What beautiful examples of love!

You are a very strong, honest, and loving person Cindie. I see you growing throughout this time of pain. Know that every day I am sending you energies of love, peace, hope and strength. Continue to live one moment at a time.

Plum1
 
 
23 mars 2013, 16 h 57

Cindie,

I've been thinking about you and wanted to check in. How are you?
Colleen 


Nos partenaires
Questions-réponses
Questions-réponses

Découvrez ce que les Canadiens veulent savoir

Consulter un professionnel
Consulter un professionnel

Notre équipe d’experts est là pour répondre à vos questions à propos des maladies potentiellement mortelles et de la perte d’un proche.

Simplement envie de parler?
Simplement envie de parler?

Participez aux forums
de discussion.

Livres, liens et bien plus
Livres, liens et bien plus

Recommandations de notre
équipe

Programmes et services
Programmes et services

Services offerts aux échelons
local, régional et national

S’abonner à l’Infolettre
S’abonner à l’Infolettre
  • logo
  • © Portail canadien en soins palliatifs, 2003-2024.