Hi Cablestray,
I am a stage IV breast cancer, with mets to lungs and bones. I do receive Pomidronate since March 2012 and had never had side effect, but I do know it is known to have the s/e your wife is having, like a bad flu. You did what needed to be done. One of my friend also receive Pomidronate for her bone mets since last year, and after 8 months without side effects, it is now 3 times (months) she has lots of pain. As you see it is true that it can be very different from a person to another.
For what I can see your wife is receiving the best care to minimize the pain and keep her confortable. Palliative care are the best for that.
She will surely enjoy your stepdaugther visit!
Don't forget to take care of yoursefl too, you need to have some outside activities to vent. My Hubby plays golf here and there, he has friend he sees almost everyday around a cup of coffee. He's not "computer friendly" like you so he needs to see them. For you, being here can be a lot of relief, you can say any fear or emotion and it will be receive and understand.
Hugs,
Suzanne