Linds21 welcome to the community. Don't worry about the typos:)
I am so glad you decided to put your thoughts down here. You will find this is a warm, supportive community where you can say what you need to say - no judgement, just understanding and caring.
I think you sound very normal Linds21 in a very difficult place - for both of you. There is an article written by Glen Horst Finding Meaning and Purpose during a Health Crisis – I wondered if you might find it helpful.
Are you able to talk with each other about the way you feel? Are there community supports available to help you find your way?
Take care
Katherine