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Réponse de NatR
09 juin 2016, 23 h 43

Hi Carol,

glad to read your note.  Glad we are understanding each other and glad that the forum is doing what it's supposed to do:)

its encouraging to hear that you are doing okay and that you are talking to others and getting feedback / it seems like we need a lot when grief is fresh
don't be afraid to keep on talking - get it all out :)

you are dealing  with a lot - don't apologise for any of your feelings or need to vent,
walking  is good  :)
writing a journal to Ken is good also!
i tend to feel that if our loved ones are able to - they are aware of the feelings we have that we write or speak  - and that they know how much we love and miss them 
sounds a bit wierd maybe but I hope it comes across alright to you:)

today i I went out for two walks as we finally had glorious sunshine after Five Days of rain and cold!  
We sure didnt deserve that
I am knitting now and watching news (a bit of a news junkie I am afraid)
the sunnis beaming in my windows and my open door - need all the Rays I can get!!
sending you hugs and Sunshine 
have a good evening
Nat:)  
 
Réponse de CarolK
10 juin 2016, 14 h 07

Hi NatR. I am glad that you are finally getting some sun. Ours will disappear after today. Cold and rain are headed our way.At least today will be nice and sunny.

I am glad that you were able to go out for two walks yesterday. You must have really enjoyed that!

I don't think that it's weird at all that you feel this our departed loved ones can feel what we do. I am tryuly hoping for this actually. I don't want my husband to feel my loss mind you but I do want him to know that I think about him everyday and that I miss him.

I used to knit a long time ago. I cannot do it now. I have some nerves that need to be repaired in my elbows and I can't take insulin with just one working hand so I  leave them alone. My cats would probably destroy the wool anyways lol!

Today I will vacuum, take my walk and go out for dinner with friends. Have a wonderful day! The kitties and I are sending you nonallergic hugs your way!

CarolK 
 
Réponse de NatR
11 juin 2016, 2 h 37

good evening Carol
i did read your note this morning and meant to reply before now - but I was motivated to do some housekeeping and I need to go with the flow - if you get my drift 😄

I got got outside to sit in the sun and feel that vitamin D soaking into me:)
i also met a friend for a bite to eat and that was nice also.

despite keeping busy sometimes I don't always have enough social engagements:)

now i I am watching a  scary movie and crocheting :)
ihope you have had a good day!
best wishes
NatR🌻 
 
Réponse de CarolK
12 juin 2016, 14 h 46

Hi NatR. My brother-in-laws birthday party was hard on me. I was near tears a few times and laughing at others. I wanted to leave fairly early but I was my mother in laws ride. I had been down the whole day but at least I got out and went for a walk. As I was walking I noticed how nice it smelled and immediately started wishing that Ken were with me to enjoy it. Why can't I simply enjoy something when it happens?

I am glad that you had a nice day yesterday. I don't enjoy cleaning but I enjoy the results afterwards!

Today I am off to lunch with Ken's best friend and wife so I will have some company :)

Carol 
 
Réponse de NatR
12 juin 2016, 15 h 46

Dear Carol 
kudos to you for going to the party and I understand totally how difficult it is - your thoughts go all over the place and it's really hard to be just in guest mode when your heart is hurting 
sending you hugs

the important thing is to keep trying and keep engagements short - personally I think it helps to get out and then get back before being overcome ( to my mind it's a bit of guilt that we are still alive and our loved one isn't)
that is hard to shake but I encourage you to enjoy everything you can as we need to make the most of each day that comes to us.

saying that it's hard to be excited about this day - as it's windy as hell and only about 3 deg Celcius
hard to believe yesterday was so much warmer with sun!
thankfully I  was invited out for coffee and a chat with a friend / so glad I went

enjoy the lunch today and hang in there!!!
best wishes
NatR
🌻💕😀 
 
Réponse de CarolK
13 juin 2016, 2 h 29

We had a nasty day today also NatR. Windy and the rain was coming down in sheets. It will be 27 tomorrow. I still went out to meet friends. They knew Ken since he was a little kid. I can tell them how I'm feeling and they understand. I just hate ending up crying all of the time. I guess my friends understand. I don't know even how to refer to them. My friends or our friends.....

I do keep trying like you have said to go out. I find it very hard some days but I always force myself to do things. Why stay at home and feel worse? I have told people that I need alone time if I'm badly off. They get it.

I thought today about trying to replace a sad memory with a happy one. I get so down though I don't know if I can but I will try.

I hope your day went well and I hope that you get better weather tomorrow. Any plans? I have an employee coming by tomorrow from the cemetary to drop off the land deed for Ken and myself. I bought us a plot. He is going to try to get me to buy a cremation for myself and the other associated expenses involved. I spent over 15K on Ken. I think that that is enough. Maybe my executor will be able to do better.

I hope to make it to the bank tomorrow too. I should cancel Ken's credit cards and close down some of our joint accounts. I have so many things to do. My brother -in-law is the executor of the estate but I offered to do thses things. It's best to get out and moving I think.

Have a good night!
CarolK
 
 
Réponse de NatR
13 juin 2016, 3 h 21

Hello Carol:)

glad you dropped a note - it's funny how having a few little routines like sending messages help give us all a sense of checking in - creating some new routines or duties to help re-route the shattered feelings that are so painful.

i know that pain doesn't go away but it just helps to have the attention of the brain doing something rather than nothing (hope that helps explain :) for someone who prides myself on conversation and writing and reading - I can end up not explaining myself very well)

today stayed windy til til late afternoon but I did make myself get out for a few things st the grocery store and I even made a crockpot dinner with chicken, a flavour seasoning packet and done vegetables

i seldom cook properly / it's not so easy when you live alone / but it felt good to know I still could create something - and enjoyed it:)

i hope the the week ahead  goes well for you
glad you have some things to take care of :) it helps to keep going

best wishes and sleep well
don't worry about your reacruins and your need to cry or vent  
thats why we  have friends to help us through the tough times 
it may not feel like it / but I know you will make it - just be kind to yourself

Xenia hasn't been online much lately but she's always got a story to share about carrying on
there are a few great people here who share tips /  ideas and encourage us all
hmmm where is everyone lately?
Out in the yard maybe - summer demands we pay attention when it's warm and sunny - except for my corner of the province :) 
hoping for some warmth this week!
goodnight 👍🏻😊
natR  
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
13 juin 2016, 3 h 35

Hi
I just had to chime in when I read your post Carol. For several months after Henry died I didn't bother wearing any kind of make up - I knew it would run off and make a mess sooner or later. I used to think that crying meant I was having a bad day - and a no cry day was a good day. But I seem to be changing. I now see sadness and crying as normal. I loved and lost and mourn. 

I also found figuring out whether to say 'our' or 'my' hard - still do. She is my daughter but she was our daughter. 

I am a very linear person - need to get things done and orderly. I actually tried to grieve that way until a friend whose husband died a few years ago told me that grief is not linear. That helped me so much and allowed me to take a breath and give myself time. It has been 10 months now since he died and I still find I am more tired than I remember being. I try to be more careful in not taking on too much and like you I try to maintain activity, especially being outdoors. 

One last thing - you have sparked me Carol:) our (?my) financial advisor told me to take my time - no rush to do anything even in regards to banking. Might I suggest that you be gentle with yourself, take your time and any help you are offered? The estate was pretty straighforward for me but it was very emotional to 'close' things down. The managers and teller at my bank got used to me crying.   

NatR as always it is comforting to read your words.

Sleep well and hope the sun shines for you tomorrow.
Katherine 
 
Réponse de CarolK
13 juin 2016, 4 h 25

Hi Katherine and NatR. I always read and then reread your notes. It's nice to get new ideas and to know that I am "normal". 

Katherine I need to cancel his credit cards. They are being charged for online things that he is no longer using. I understand what you mean when you say that you are "closing" things off. I felt that when I got rid of Ken's clothes, that I was was erasing him but I see no need for us to have so many accounts open. I hope that I won't feel differently later. I am beginning to think that the old me will  not return and the mourning me will be the new me. If that is the case I will have to adjust. I miss being happy. I guess a form of that will come in time. I just need to learn how again.

NatR I understood exactly what you meant and good for you for making what sounds like a yummy meal. I am trying to empty the freezer and tomorrow night will be fish which I haven't cooked in quite some time as it was one of Ken's favorite things.

I hope that everyone has a good day and also a good week! Thanks for the notes!

CarolK

 
 
Réponse de NatR
13 juin 2016, 5 h 00

Night to you both, Katherine and Carol....I am a night owl...must snooze now.
hugs Nat  


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