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Réponse de KathCull_admin
07 août 2016, 0 h 08

Hi
Just wondering how you are doing CarolK.

It was a lovely day out today - sun shining but not too hot. I finally got around to cleaning the wood on the deck and trimming some flowers. I love this time of year but am too  much like my mum - already thinking about the winter that is ahead!
 
Hope you are able to take the time you need to plan and that you have the help you need as well - both physical and emotional.

Katherine 
 
Réponse de CarolK
08 août 2016, 2 h 18


  • Hi KathCull. I have been quite busy. I have sold my husbands truck and bough an SUV. I have cleared out our house and moved to an apartment. This is my second night here.The next step is to sell the house. I feel somewhat helpless without my husband's advice and continue to grieve. I actually went on antidepressants and they have helped me. My brother-in-law has been very supportive a. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. I have all the tools that I need to move on and I am trying. It's only been 13 weeks and I still hurt but I know that I am making progress. I a wearing my husband/s cologne right now which makes me feel better 

 
Réponse de Stardust
21 août 2016, 14 h 20

I understand the roller coaster of emotions posted here. Only 4 months into grieving/learning to carve out a new life it isn't easy. In fact, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. i have learned everyone walks their own path. So far, I have decided to stay in our long time family home. i am looking at a condo this week and will decide over the winter whether to make the move.  We have two kittens, they are 17 years old, which I need to take into consideration in any move. This fall I will deal with some of the clothes, his tools, and the car. I have made plans to go back to Pilates, my volunteer job at Cancercare, and back on my healthy eating plan. I am doing all this not because I am motivated to do it but because I know I should. I envy the support posted from inlaws. Mine has been almost non existent. Both during my husbands illness and after his death. In the end, it is best as they come with a lot of emotional baggage. This post was a bit of a ramble but there are so many feelings and situations I can identify with. This past week I experienced a moment of happiness. Brief but it was there as my daughter and I took the boat out on a perfect summer day. Swimming under the blue sky, listening to music and feeling the warmth of the sun after a swim. The reason behind the boat ride was to scatter ashes in a lake we all loved so much. Thanks for listening and hang in there everyone. 
 
Réponse de NatR
21 août 2016, 14 h 57

Hello Stardust,

the endless circling thoughts that try to hold us all - memories, places, things, changes, are tough to handle but I sense a strength, a forward looking face on you - also keeping the love and memories close to your heart

its good to read your experience with your daughter - the feelings, the moments of connection and relaxation - it has to help:)

the journey forward is minute by minute - not easy but you sound like you are going to pick up the threads of your life and continue to help, volunteer and live each day 

I know you will keep us informed - and your personal journey helps us all move forward and keep on with the small things and the important moments with friends and family too

sending you my thoughts for today and the week ahead
best wishes
NatR

  
 
Réponse de Stardust
21 août 2016, 16 h 14

Thanks. I don't feel too generous towards others right now. In fact, I feel quite selfish. I believe that comes after almost two years of putting the needs ahead of your own. Don't misunderstand me. I am no hero or martyr. Only human.  But I believe the intense emotions I feel are a delay from suppressing them for so long. It is comforting to know there are others sharing a similar path. I feel your support.
 
Réponse de Stardust
17 sept. 2016, 19 h 15

Reaching out with a need to simply write down my feelings. This has been a tough week. No. matter how much I put in place positive plans of action there is always someone out there ready to derail your progress. My late husbands family has largely been unsupportive and at times downright mean. As if my daughter and I are somehow responsible for his dying. We have tried to quietly and graciously extricate ourselves from this family. But we keep getting drawn back in by thoughtless and insensitive words and actions. We need to move forward and try to find a way to live a meaningful life again. But it seems the only way to do this is going to be an ugly confrontation with his family. There really is no advice anyone can offer as we have lived with this family in our lives for almost 40 years. But I appreciate a place to write this down where someone else will read it. Thank you.
 
Réponse de NatR
18 sept. 2016, 4 h 00

Hello stardust,

boy I hear you....I know how you feel....sometimes it just seems like nothing will work out...

hang in there, don't give up and don't let anyone put you down.   I understand a little, and sometimes a retreat is not giving up, it's cutting the pain....and protecting yourself.

you and your daughter have each other, and having lost a spouse and parent,  you don't need any more grief.

i hope you will stand tall, and know you don't deserve what sounds like very hurtful treatment.

personally I have felt similar to you....and I hope you write back and let us know just how things are going....
sending you positive thoughts and a friendly hug.
be good to yourself.  Writing and sharing lets it move from your chest to a spot a bit farther away from your heart.

i hope I made some sense...it's late and I wanted you to know you were heard and thought about.
carry on taking care of yourself and your daughter
best wishes,
NatR 💐👍🏻 


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