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Réponse de Xenia
21 mai 2015, 16 h 03

Dear Sweetface and all:

Nat has provided you with some useful information which I can use as well.

I lost the man I loved and still love 5 months ago and I too could not go a day or a few hours without wanting to ask why.  I could not bear to look at the album of pictures we had put together for his family memorial.

I made my mind go blank and I still feel blank at times, yet I cry and I know I am hurting badly.  When I say made my mind go blank I mean that I keep trying to stop hurting and if I push back memories I think it will be easier but it isn't and as such I have begun to try to live one day at a time doing some of the things I gave up nursing John, I go to the pool and do water walking.  I have returned to doing volunteer work with the Legion Ladies Auxiliary and being there to help with the dinners and bake sales.

When I first attended the dinners and stayed for the dance I thought I would burst out in tears sitting at the table sourounded by many happy people.  The music ripped my heart out as this was the type of music John loved to dance to.  I was not a dancer but John always danced with others and he was so great at it.  He loved the music and dance and could spend the night on the dance floor.  

I had to learn that it was okay to feel the tears and the missing John, keeping my mind blank only made the healing take longer.  I am not over it yet, everytime I go to the patio I miss John as we spent his last summer sitting on the patio, viewing the birds in the green space, the ducks and crane trying to get the fish out of the koi pond. I still do not want to put up the sun shades as it is too hard and I keep putting it off as that brings back too many memories of sitting outside with John, laughing, me singing to him, I did it to have fun, bringing him his treats and such.

Healing takes a long time and we all do it in our own way.  I kept running from my feelings and now that I am acknowledgeing them I as beginning to heal.  I am acknowledging that John is gone, I will miss him always but I will love and remember his memory and that will keep me going one day at a time.

As Nat says, please keep in touch.  We are not councellors but we have lost a loved one and understand your feelings.

Take care.

Xenia 
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
06 juin 2015, 17 h 34

Hello everyone,
I think I have posted this elsewhere but it just came to mind again as I was reading through the thread: this is from an old song my Newfoundland father-in-law used to love, "Grief is a knot that is hard to untie". 

Thinking of you all, as you grieve the men in your life who are no longer there to share with you the fun, the nicknames, problems, the outdoors, the dinner table, the comfortable silences.

Myblueeyedman, Dar64, Sweet Face, Schamp3385 from different parts of the country but as you said Sweetface, you each know how the other is feeling. JennJilks has posted some beautiful pictures throughtout the thread she started on Confronting Prostate Cancer. from her part of the world.

Take care all
Katherine 
 
Réponse de Myblueeyedman
12 juin 2015, 16 h 16

Hello all,

Today is five months that my hunny passed away. Life sure has not gone back to normal, what it has become is a life of finding my way through to the next day living with a big hole in my soul....

it is amazing that five months only seems like a week ago, I miss him everyday and still cry almost every day...........I go through everyday, with the hope that it will become easier..........Time they say heals.......but i find that time is a slow healer. I know, I will never forget him and I will miss him unitl they day I pass on and meet him on the other side. I enjoy his visits to my dreams and it is becoming easier to remember with a smile, rather then tears......though sometimes those memories bring both the smile and the tears.....

My new normal, is learning to live with the biggest loss and the saddness and loneliness that this has created in me..........I don't enjoy weekends, long weekends and I am not looking forward to my vacation that is fast approuching...........I feel sad and lonely, because those were the times that we enjoyed the most, our times together. I try to keep myself busy, but that just tires me out. 

So, my new normal is living and coping with the lost. Its an ongoing process and one day.....a covering will form on top of the hole in my soul/hear, but nothing will fill the hole that he has left in me......and I will alway love and miss him. I love you alway hunny!


I give all those that take the time to read this a big Hug and Lots of Love.


My blue eyed man.
          
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
06 juil. 2015, 1 h 41

MBEM, how lovely to hear your 'hunny' visits you in your dreams. You were fortunate to have such a soul mate - the deeper the love it seems the deeper the loss and grief. 

In Why are grieving people supposed to be so strong  graceful1 talks about time and grief as well. 

Do you spend time with friends or family - especially during those hard weekends? Summer can be hard as well.

Till we talk again
Katherine
 
Réponse de Caitee
13 juil. 2015, 4 h 17

Dear Blueeyed

It is a truly scary and at first lonely road. My husband passed away almost a year ago after a brief battle with colon cancer. I can tell you that at first my life was a black abyss of sadness and despair. There were days that I crumpled to the floor in exhaustion and defeat only to cry out loud and wail in despair. I took an active role in moving forward. I prayed. I wrote. I got out and did stuff...on other days i stayed in bed and tried my darnedest just to shower or eat...but I moved forward. My husband will always be a part of my life and finding a healthy way to incorporate that took some time. setting aside a time each day or week or whatever works was best. picutres, music, memories... 
I have found that in the places you least expect you will find comfort, support and love. From friends, from strangers and from people who truly just want to love you and be there for you.
We are all here for each other and I want you to know that I miss my blue eyed man too and if you close your eyes he will always be with you.
Lots of hugs and support from here!

- Caite  
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
19 juil. 2015, 16 h 58

Hello

Good to hear from you again Caite. I am glad you have found that comfort, support and love. The first year was filled with a lot of hard `firsts`I am sure. You and MBEM seem to have found a way to grieve and live in a new normal.

Katherine 



 
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
23 oct. 2015, 18 h 58

Hello everyone,
Since I last wrote on this thread, I too have had hard firsts. My husband died in August of this year. I have been so appreciative of the wisdom you have shared - I read all the posts.

Another member, April01 has been told she should prepare for her husband's death. Could I ask you to consider responding to her on Husband wants it over
   

Thanks for thinking about it.
Katherine
 
Réponse de Myblueeyedman
24 oct. 2015, 23 h 18

Hello all,
Katherine I am so sorry for your loss. It's a difficult road, there will be many ups and downs......I've cried so much in the past 9 months. I am still amazed that I still have tears left.....they still fall. my advice is to find that person who will listen and keep listening to your pain of the loss of your husband. And when you feel the need to cry, cry away.....it truly helps. And talk to your husband if it helps, it does for me. And don't listen to people who say it's been months you should be over it......as I know you never get over it. It just gets softer and you learn to live without them. Time heals very slowly.....take as long as you need. I still say goodnight hunny every night and tell him I love you 😊.
April01, quality time with your husband is what you have.....show him love in all the ways you can.....Also take time for yourself also as you will need breaks......if not, your tiredness will affect your quality time with your husband. This time you have together is very special. if you can, sleep in the same bed even at the hospital......that time is also a gift. Tell him u love him.
For me, my hunnys headstone arrived at his resting place, I have days that I wish we picked out the headstone together. I guess it is a hard very hard topic to talk about . I wish I was stronger, but I had hoped deep down that his death wouldn't occur......I knew it would, but it happened to soon. 
I miss him like crazy still, and I will miss him until the day I pass. Then I will see him again and I will give him the biggest hug and kiss ever.
love and hugs sent to all and bigger ones for you katherine and April01
mbem
 
Réponse de KathCull_admin
25 oct. 2015, 0 h 24

Hi MBEM
Thanks so much for your kind, wise words. They are much appreciated.

I am going to copy and paste your loving response to April01's thread so that she will be able to benefit from it as well.

Bless you
Katherine 
 
Réponse de Myblueeyedman
30 janv. 2016, 3 h 34

Hi all..I made it through Christmas and New Years.  January  12th was his anniversay, he has been gone from me for a full year. I know that a year has passed, but it sure doesnt feel like it. Time for me moves in such an odx way now. I cant explain it. It like what i know and how i feel about a year are now different. I still/will always miss my hunny, what has occured is that i'm learning to live without him. The hurt ans loneliness are still there, but they have softened. I still cry, sometimes daily and sometimes not so much. Sometimes a song, plays and it makes me think of him, i cry and change the station or leave the room.
The lead up to christmas and new years eve, hard. So many tv shows and commerical with couples, those were hard to watch and then listening to coworkers and friends talking about how excited they were. I just wanted to run away and hide. I was sick with the flu over christmas, which was fine with me...i slept through it all, which was ok with me.
On his anniversary day, i took him a beautiful flower arrangement, and i just visited with him at his resting place. I wish he was closer, 3 hours is a long way in the winter.
It has been a struggle this past month, i feel like im pullong away.from.people. i dont have many friends and they dont come around. They never did. I have one cousin who is great, but she has young children and cant be there all the time.
I am tired of needing to ask for help.

Love to all,
Mbem
 


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